well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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