Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
dude. I can hear the air.
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