I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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