He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
