Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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