That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
