We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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