He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
