am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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