i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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