So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
