Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize