The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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