allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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