u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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