his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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