You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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