Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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