dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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