Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
