update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
