Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
