He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
