Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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