me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
