I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
