Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
