the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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