i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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