Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
