I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
