Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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