"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
