Im at strip club and am horny
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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