she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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