I will die if light touches me.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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