remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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