So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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