I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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