So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
