if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
