Where is the hickey?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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