sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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