Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
