A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
