so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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