What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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