dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
