Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
