Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
