I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
