I will die if light touches me.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
