I must be too annoying 4 u.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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