I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
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I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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