A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
