I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
