i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
