Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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