sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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