I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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