i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Another day, another engagement, another cat
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
