mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
