I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
