So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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