Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
