too bad you live with your parents still
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
