My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she peed on how many people?
organizing the empties. That sober.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
